We are all building our homes somehow, and the Bible urges us to be careful how we build. This verse says that our work will be shown for what it is, so a close look at our home will tell us how we’ve been building. How are you building your marriage?

How You Build Matters

10 By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as a wise builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should build with care. 11 For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. 12 If anyone builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, 13 their work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each person’s work. 14 If what has been built survives, the builder will receive a reward. 15 If it is burned up, the builder will suffer loss but yet will be saved—even though only as one escaping through the flames.

1 Corinthians 3: 10-15

We all get to decide what kind of foundation we are going to build our homes on. We can build with hay or straw by taking shortcuts, compromising, and letting things go. Or we can build with gold and silver by showing that our marriage is valuable to us.

The truth we don’t always like to face is that we will be tested by fire, and the fire will reveal the foundation we’ve built on. The fire could be the stress of having your first or second kid. The fire could be health challenges or financial challenges. Whichever forms it comes in, the fire brings pressure in our lives. And pressure exposes.

Home Destroyers

If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

Galatians 5:15

Do you feel like you and your spouse are tearing each other down at home? Husbands, do you get more confidence from your home (God and your spouse), or from work? If you are looking outside your home for security and validation, then something is wrong. We are all supposed to get every encouragement we need from God and our spouses. When we care too much about what people outside our homes think of us, we become needy in a way that’s unnatural and unhealthy.

What’s the way out? You need to find out what home destroyers you have in your marriage, and then get ride of them!

Disunity Destroys

Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them: “Any kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and a house divided against itself will fall.

Luke 11:17

If you and your spouse have a “we agree to disagree” attitude, then your home will be divided and your home will fall.

For husbands, we can tear down our homes and create disunity through emotional and spiritual neglect…

  • Knowing your wife has unresolved emotions with God, and not doing anything.
  • Knowing your wife has certain desires and needs from you, and not doing anything to meet them.
  • Not allowing your wife to talk and influence you.

The only way to be unified with your spouse is to be willing to talk and engage with one another. Are you willing to have emotionally challenging conversations with each other in order to get unified? Are you willing to use the Bible together?

Quarrels Destroy

Whoever loves a quarrel loves sin;
whoever builds a high gate invites destruction.

Proverbs 17:19

Quarrels are different than fighting. Fighting is healthy because you are engaging and wanting to be unified. Quarrels are a sign that you just like to disagree and never get resolved. Which describes your marriage more? Would your spouse say the same thing?

You can either build a home, or you can build a wall around you so no one can hurt you. Which are you building? If it’s a wall, then you have underlying hurts or resentment that you need to reveal and work through. When I’m argumentative, it’s usually because I got my feeling hurt and haven’t talked about it, or I’m just guilty about something. Instead of choosing honesty, I choose to quarrel.

Home Builders

Now about food sacrificed to idols: We know that “We all possess knowledge.” But knowledge puffs up while love builds up. 2 Those who think they know something do not yet know as they ought to know. 3 But whoever loves God is known by God.

1 Corinthians 8: 1-3

We can either have pride with our spouses, or we can have love. Anything we do that brings more love in the home builds the home.

Fear of God Builds

The Fear-of-God builds up confidence, and makes a world safe for your children.

Proverbs 14: 26 (MSG)

This is a great scripture. I have a son, and I want him to feel safe in the world. I want him to be protected. The best way I can make that happen is to build a home with a conscience of God… respecting God, listening to God, expressing emotions to God. When fear of God rules the home, everyone feels safe and your wife’s confidence will increase.

The alternative to God leading your home is for your emotions and your mood to lead the home. Fear of God goes better every time.

Honesty Builds

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. 16 From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

Ephesians 4:15-16

Fear of rejection can be hard to talk about. Complete honest—thoughts, emotions, desires—builds your home.

Faith to Rebuild

3 The Lord appeared to us in the past,[a] saying:

“I have loved you with an everlasting love;
I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.
4 I will build you up again,
and you, Virgin Israel, will be rebuilt.
Again you will take up your timbrels
and go out to dance with the joyful.
5 Again you will plant vineyards
on the hills of Samaria;
the farmers will plant them
and enjoy their fruit.

Jeremiah 31:3-5

The great thing about being a Christian is that everyday we can rebuild and start anew. God can rebuild all of our homes. Believe that things can change with God.

How You Build Matters

Unless the Lord builds the house,
the builders labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city,
the guards stand watch in vain.

Psalm 127:1

What is one things you can change that would build your home?

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