Have you ever found yourself negative in the “love bank?”
A friend of mine once used the analogy of an overdrawn bank account to describe how things had been going in his marriage. The amount being put in was far less than the amount being taken out. As husbands, we can find ourselves in this situation more times than we’d like to admit: leaving our wives discouraged and emotionally empty after having made one too many withdrawals.
Fortunately, there are things we can do to take action and rectify the situation. If you really want to know how to inspire your wife, check out these simple things you can do today to get that bank account back in the positive.
1) Find some friends who will influence you
Nothing is more frightening for a wife than a husband who refuses to be influenced by others. If you’re the type of guy who won’t listen to any kind of advice, think for a second about the effect this attitude has on your wife. You’re basically confirming for her that when you’re off, she’s stuck with your bad attitude until you wise up or come out of whatever mood you’re in. She’ll feel completely alone and helpless in the process.
Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.
James 5:16 (NLT)
Find some friends that you can talk to about what’s really going on, who aren’t afraid to tell you the truth. If your wife senses that you are willing to be influenced, it will build her trust in you and make her feel more confident.
2) Little things, all day long
So, full disclosure, my wife did a similar point in a similar article published here recently that tackles this subject from the other angle. However the point is also true for husbands, so it’s worth examining from our perspective!
In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.
Ephesians 5:28 (NLT)
As men, we spend a lot of time doing little things for ourselves throughout the day: buying our favorite snacks, watching our favorite shows, relentlessly playing our favorite mobile games. But how much time do we think of doing little things for our wives?
One time it occurred to me to get my wife some flowers on the way home from work. She was so floored by the gesture (as I recall, to the point of tears) that it dawned on me that I must not spend much time doing loving actions for her daily. Little things like flowers, encouraging text messages, or even slightly larger moves like planning a great date, do more than just put a smile on her face. The reaffirm your love for her, and that she’s your #1 priority on earth.
3) Less problem solving, more understanding
What reaction do you give when your wife brings up an issue she’s having with a friend at work? Do you…
- A) Quickly remind her the top 3 most effective ways to deal with workplace conflict
- B) Call that coworker’s husband and have it out with him
- C) Ask questions to understand the situation and put yourself in your wife’s shoes
If you answered A or B, this point is for you. Check out this scripture:
The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.
Your wife doesn’t need you to be her therapist, or life coach. She needs a husband who is willing to empathize with her, so she can feel validated and unified with you. I’ve fallen into this trap many times, as I’m sure you have as well. It’s sort of a natural instinct for men to go into problem solving mode. However, if you can catch yourself doing this in the moment and change course, your wife will no doubt be inspired by your desire to understand her, and not “fix” her.
4) Dream big
How is it, you say, that having dreams directly affects your wife? I’ll let the scriptures do the talking:
Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.
Proverbs 29:18 (KJV)
The Bible says that when we don’t have vision, we perish, as do the people around us. Think about it: how successful will a company be when it’s run by a CEO who couldn’t care less about the product or mission? This is especially true here in Silicon Valley, where CEOs are often relentlessly passionate about their business.
Marriages are similar in this regard. If you don’t have any plans to grow, take on certain challenges in your marriage or walk with God, or help change the lives of those around you, then what are you building in your marriage? What’s left after that? Amassing a cornucopia of entertainment and other comforts around the house may sound appealing to you, but it’s not something that’s going to make your wife excited and inspired about your future together.
5) Be considerate
It seems like a common sense item, but this is a topic that deserves some attention.
If you are a husband, you should be thoughtful of your wife. Treat her with honor, because she isn’t as strong as you are, and she shares with you in the gift of life. Then nothing will stand in the way of your prayers.
1 Peter 3:7 (CEV)
One area that I see the need to grow in my marriage is the act of being really considerate and thoughtful of my wife. As she’s expressed to me on a number of occasions, it’s incredibly helpful for her when I take the time to really think through her day, her week, her feelings, her schedule, her workload, and more. When I can initiate a conversation with her about the plan I’ve come up with for our week based on the things I know are on her plate, the relief I see wash over her face confirms that this is something that is much needed from me in our marriage.
How often are you thinking through your wife’s schedule, capacity, and life? Take some time out to think through her life and yours, and have a great conversation about how to achieve success together based on what you believe to be most helpful for her, your marriage and relationship with.